is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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