she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
