I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Less talking, more tequila
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
