I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
