if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
