honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
