Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
