I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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