well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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