Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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