his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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