he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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