the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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