i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
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He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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