Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
