I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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