Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
