that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
