please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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