i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
