OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize