Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
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i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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