I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Semen is not good for contacts.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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