if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
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Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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