I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
