I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
