whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
