Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
