I wish they made helmets for livers.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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