You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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