My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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