she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
