I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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