Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
