Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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