Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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