you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
