Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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