Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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