question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
