There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
A bitchslap is in order.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
