Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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