I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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