I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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