No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
