i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
