I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
