Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's great music for shaving your balls
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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