i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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