got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
