ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
