I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
