areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
