It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
if only i could text you this smell
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
